 hapter Eight
Eliminating Negative Emotions
"Life can always be a bowl of cherries if you learn how to pick the tree of life. Try being fictional for a while and realize the tree is not as tall as you think it is."
"We will never lose our childhood dreams. We may think we have outgrown them, but this is not the case. Think back to your childhood dreams and be surprised at how many came to fruition."
Once the seven year cycle has been computed, the next stage is to comprehend entirely how cycles intercede with our everyday existence. The simplest explanation regarding cycles is knowing that we create the cycles and use these cycles to control every facet of our life. We seek out experiences to gain insight and then use the insight to our advantage. The gained insight can be used either positively or in a negative format. Establishing proper criteria while travelling through pre-determined cycles produces substantial rewards.
Living our daily experiences in a negative reality is not the most exciting alternative. Yet we humans have a tendency to produce negative forums believing that it is an easy way to gain vast knowledge about ourselves. We all have a tendency to remember the negative circumstances we produce, yet rarely do we remember all the good times. The question we should then ask is why do we rarely not remember the good events of our life?
The impact of negative occurrences usually affect our emotions the most. The bad events agitate our emotional responses. The negative occurrences increase the velocity of our emotional behavior and in some cases stigmatize the very soul within ourselves. Fundamentally we feel that we need negative occurrences to prove we are alive.
Presumptions of end-results are the main cause of our adamant stance that negative occurrences are the bread and butter of educational stimuli. Before we even partake in events that we have chosen to fulfill, we presume the chosen events will turn out to be negative. The negative belief that our chosen events will be negative and our lack of self-confidence attracts negative circumstances to our fold.
If we choose to go about life without self-respect or self-confidence, most assuredly we will find ourselves continuously in negative realities. On the other hand when we plan positive events of our life with a strong conviction that we will succeed, the positive events frequently come about positively.
Being positive about end-results in some cases may not produce the results for which we hoped. The trick is to know within ourselves that what we are planning in life is worthwhile and, in the first place, that the benefits from our plans are twofold. The first of the two benefits is addressed by the question, "Who does benefit from our actions?"
Virtually every situation, no matter what the circumstance, revolves around our interactions with one or more people. If all the individuals benefit from the experience than the end-result will always be a positive interaction. If only one individual benefits from the experience than the end-result will be negative.
The greatest difficulty which we have in some interactions is that we allow our pride, egos and greed to prevail. Functioning with so many negative emotions will deter us from viewing the benefits of another. The negative emotions lower our abilities of producing positive end-results. Each event of our life should be undertaken with positive emotions only. Some will state that functioning with positive emotions only is impossible. The excuse one might use may be that we are all humans and humans are prone to error. Yet we continuously suffer the consequences of our actions by not following a positive path to the end-result.
The second benefit is obtained when we function with a concept that all situations we take part in will result in positive interaction. Once the positive end-result is arrived at we will then be able to walk away from the occurrence with self-respect, self-confidence and virtually every other positive emotion. Consequently when we function in any negative fashion the end-result may seem positive but the guilt we carry away from the experience stays within our conscious minds for a long period of time.
The guilt-trips we afflict upon ourselves not only plague us during our contemplation of the actual events but also create psychological barriers for future events. There are some events which some may feel that they have functioned positively but the events ended in a negative manner. In the majority of cases these individuals were not even aware that the accumulated guilt-trips existed. The guilt-trips are caused by the lack of consideration for the feelings of others. During this lack of consideration actually only one person tries to benefit from the negative experience and does not consider the feelings of another. That causes the guilt-trip.
It has been noted that most criminals function in a guilt-trip category. The criminal's ultimate end-result or purpose is to be the sole beneficiary from the criminal experience. Rarely do criminals take into consideration the psychological harm they are inflicting on their victims. Robbing an individual of his or her possessions to satisfy the criminal's personal need is lopsided. The criminal does not consider whether the victim can actually afford to lose the thieved possessions. As a result the victim is in trauma and the victim's self-esteem is thwarted. Besides the psychological trauma, in a number of instances the victim will seek personal revenge and react outside their normal behavior patterns. By seeking revenge the victim is then prone to an additional number of negative emotional feelings.
The description of a criminal's mentality brings us back to the point: how do we use our seven year cycles productively? We must keep in mind that the explanation described, regarding the interactions between a criminal and a victim, to understand that the events were all related to the cycles of both individuals. The criminal was functioning in a negative cycle pattern. The criminal's negative cycle would continue as long as the criminal chose to function with negative emotions. It is not to say a criminal cannot change his spots. Based on factual data all cycles can be altered.
A victim who reacts negatively would also be in a negative cycle. The presumption that like attracts like provides a clue that the victim attracts the criminal to his environment. The thoughts and present circumstances of a victim assuredly sends a subconscious message to the criminal. The victim telegraphs to the criminal that he is ready to be the victim by functioning in a negative cycle mode, even if the victim does not open the door to the criminal.
The personal theory that victims are responsible for external criminal activities opens up many questions. Is it being suggested that all crimes are the making of the victim? Is it being insinuated that any negative thought produces negative end-results? Is it being put forth that because the criminal is thinking in a negative manner that he is then reading the vulnerability of his victims? The answer is "yes" to all of the above.
The pretext of the theory's conclusion is that all thoughts, ideas, fantasies or creative visualizations are transmitted and received by those open to the transmissions. There is a misconception that our internal personal thoughts are totally private and are unable to be translated by another. The pretext that our thoughts are private and can not be transmitted is a fallacy. The descriptive terms; mind-reading, subliminal messages and telepathy have being bantered about by the scientific community for centuries. Subliminal messages are used commercially in advertisements world-wide. The terminologies of mind-reading, subliminal messages and telepathy are accurately evident in each and every daily experience in life.
The classic occurrence of using mind-reading, telepathy and subliminal messages is proven during the beginning stages of developing personal relationships. At the start of a relationship one or the other party transmits a message of need or want to the opposite party. If the other party is receptive the message will be internally received loud and clear. The receptiveness of the message is merited because of both parties being of like character at that specific moment in time. It must be understood that if we presume that a similar occurrence had taken place a year before or a year later, the receiver may not be open to reception of the message. The lack of reception by either party would occur if their emotional compatibility is not synchronized, or if like is not attracting like.
The lack of reception by either party does not necessarily mean the receiver of a message is not attracted physically to the transmitter. There may be a case where physical attraction is apparent between both parties, but the internal feelings or emotions of either party may be at different ends of the spectrum. The transmitter of the attraction message may be in a positive cycle while the receiver of the message is functioning in a negative cycle. The reverse observation whereby a receiver is in a positive cycle while a transmitter is in a negative cycle also holds true. Yet the reception of the message by either participant will only take place when both individuals are functioning in the same cycle pattern, be it positive or negative.
It is therefore a requirement of all of us to be aware of the cycle pattern in which we are functioning so that the end-results of the circumstance will be beneficial.
Research has shown when two individuals begin a relationship in a combined positive cycle, the majority of the positive cycle relationships succeed. When relationships begin with both individuals in a negative cycle pattern, research has shown dual negative cycle relationships in particular are usually no-win events. If both individuals are in opposite cycle patterns, the higher failure rate to even begin a relationship is evident. Factually, the majority of unsuccessful relationships are opposite cycle individuals who meet and try unsuccessfully to begin a relationship.
There is one problem which arises when two individuals meet while they are both in the same cycle frequency. There could be a tendency for one or the other person to change their cycle from positive to negative or vice-verso. When the change of a cycle by either one or the other participant occurs, specifically on an individual basis, conflict will always result. It is mandatory for both individuals to make the same cycle change at the same time especially if both parties are in a negative cycle. The one making the cycle change can either bring the other along through persuasion in a positive manner, or he has the option to still function negatively with selfishness, guilt, apathy or any one of the other negative emotions and destroy the relationship.
Knowing which cycle your partner is in can offset a part of the difficulty of interactions in relationships. Compensating for negative emotions can be beneficial to both parties if the thought in mind is to prevent the other party from thinking or functioning in a negative manner. By not supporting each other's negative feelings and instead approaching the relationship with positive emotions and thoughts towards the negative party, one can accomplish personal high self-esteem and self-respect. The self-esteem and self-respect would build a strong positive emotional base for the transmitter and most assuredly would help the transmitter develop a future positive cycle.
When we discuss the theory that victims transmit their vulnerability to criminals, or partners transmit negative personal emotions to each other, the emphasis is placed on the mind set of the transmitter. If the victim is continually transmitting negative emotions it is impossible to avoid negative end-results. The reason for not being able to avoid negative end-results if one is transmitting negative thoughts, is that the protective mechanism of positive reversal is placed on a back burner and the psychological immune system ceases to function.
The victim can no longer evaluate the potential circumstances rationally. He would then not be able to protect himself or intuit the potential emotional disease situations. The vulnerability of the individual can be compared to one facing a vicious dog. The animal will back down if the individual stands up without fear. But if the animal smells the fear emanating from the person then he will undoubtedly attack. The same holds true for a criminal. The scent of fear is evident with the victim. Therefore the criminal will be attracted to the scent of fear.
A combination of negative emotions breeds fear. Fear is the most vicious attraction for those who are out seeking victims. There are many stories about bullies who prey on smaller or weaker foes. The victim being preyed upon in certain situations will lose, with one exception. If the victim can summon all his positive resources and show himself or herself psychically stronger than the bully, a large percentage of the time the bully will back down. Once the bully senses there is no fear on the part of the victim, the vulnerability of the victim disappears.
Therefore it is evident that when we take a stand positively, the probability of attracting bullies would be reduced.
The mind is an incredible tool. We are just beginning to understand a larger percentage of the mind's capabilities. But what has been recently discovered is that the mind has incredible potential for advancement and resource capabilities.
Using our mind to its fullest capacity will eliminate many pitfalls. Recognizing that the mind is a warehouse of knowledge, sitting, waiting for its resources to be tapped, should give all of us a hint as to the potential of thought transference.
It has been assumed and stated that the mind does not compute every piece of data inputted into the mind. The statement is obviously not true. The subconscious mind hears and sees everything. It is our conscious minds which scroll the inputted data and retain only a small portion of the information.
The subconscious mind does not eliminate any input data. Every piece of data is retained in the subconscious mind, even the external data which our conscious minds refuse to hear. The input frequency of the subconscious mind is of such high caliber there is no possible loss of information. Our subconscious mental holding capacity is unlimited. We are not like computers which have a memory capacity limited to the computer chips and memory boards placed within their system. Our mind is the largest capacity memory chip available. Our memory boards are infallible and extend beyond our present comprehension. Our memory capabilities enhance our life cycles. We can evaluate all our events of life and retain the emotional benefits derived from those events within our subconscious memory.
Included in the analysis that our subconscious minds retain all data is the fact that the mind is capable of receiving low frequency signals transmitted in the form of a thought wave-length. Thought wave-lengths are presently not able to be measured but they exist. Many medical breakthroughs have been noted over the past few years in relation to the measurable potential of thought wave-lengths. Even the minor data accumulated so far point to the mind as the most advanced tool in the universe. Opening up our minds can lead to negative thoughts as well as positive thoughts; being aware of the potential just such an occurrence can take place eliminates the vulnerability of every individual.
The way to remove dual vulnerability is to understand and utilize the seven year cycle properly. When we grasp the fundamental concept of the cycle patterns, we would at least give ourselves the option whether we wish to wallow in the quagmire of life, or whether we wish to transform our realities into positive learning experiences.
One of the most sought-after questions one may ask is, "How do I protect myself from negative influences?" The question of protection from negative influences has been asked many a time in my classes, yet each time the answer is given there are those who cannot comprehend the answer because it is too simple.
Protection from outside sources in particular involves learning not to become a party to material from those who continuously feel sorry for themselves. One of my students inquired as to whether I thought by not listening to a personal acquaintance's problems would I not be showing a lack of compassion. The answer to the question was, "Listening to a person's problem is not the problem with which the listener is faced; but knowing when to interject is the actual fault of the listener."
Throughout my career as a personal counsellor I have had the opportunity to hear every type of problem imaginable. Being in a position of control during counselling sessions allows me the benefit of interjecting when I realize that some people while relating their problems are simply looking for sympathy and are not interested in understanding or correcting their problems. Rarely do I sit and try to be compassionate or attentive during these negative interactions. I became cognizant that most clients are ready to look for a solution to their problems and that some clients were not interested in solving their problems. It was found that the time required to sit and listen to an uneventful problem was time consuming and a waste of my precious time.
There are always two sides to every story. There are also only two decisive corrective measures to the story. A person's decision is always based on a "yes" or "no". They either will make a final decision or they won't. The people who normally contact me are those who are fence-sitting or refuse to make a decision. If I sat and listened to their emotional side of the story the final outcome of correcting a problem would never be achieved. Therefore I decided in the early stages of my career to get to the heart of the problem immediately. One of the first things that I do at the beginning of counselling a new client is to have them complete the "21 Emotions Exercise".
For example, during one of my recent classes entitled "The Games People Play" based entirely on the "21 Emotions Exercise", a participant scolded me for not listening to another participant's personal emotional problems. What actually transpired was the participant who was the subject of attention wished to attract the attention of her other class-mates and began to explain she had been seeking out professional help for years to no avail. After a period of time she felt she was no longer benefiting from her professional sessions.
As she was relating her tragedy to the class, I noticed a good majority of the class were being taken in by her sob story. The majority of the class began sympathizing with her by supporting her negative feelings and immediately became as negative as she was professing to be. The storyteller's intentions were not understood by the rest of the class. Her attention-getting maneuvers were her way of trying to get attention for herself under the guise of a forlorn, pathetic individual whom no one would listen to. At the same time she expressed her desires to gain personal self-respect and the respect of the class. The desired respect would of course never be successfully obtained in the manner she was conducting herself in.
First of all, the professionals who the storyteller sought out eventually recognized she only wished to have another to communicate with and they were no longer prepared to sit and listen to the same story over and over again. Without a doubt the professionals tried to bring the storyteller's problem to her attention. Once the storyteller realized her listening partner was no longer prepared to humor her, she would remove herself from her sessions and seek another professional and start the process all over again.
I immediately, abruptly, brought to the attention of the class the true circumstances of her situation solely to see if anyone would recognize what was taking place. It was after all the objective of the class to assimilate actual events of negative emotions manipulation. By relating the actual events to the class, specifically showing them they had been manipulated by a professional psychological con, the participants who were most manipulated were the first to cry out in defence of her actions because they realized their own foolishness at being duped.
The duped classmates reactions were immediate. The majority of the students took positions with the offender. In the minds of the duped students it was believed they were showing compassion and they believed it would be more beneficial to react by protecting the storyteller than themselves. I took the position I should bring the truth of the matter to the surface, thereby putting a stop to the storyteller's game-playing. The object of ending the debacle was not to make the participants look foolish. By acting in a totally positive emotional state, and by not procrastinating, the objective of the class which was to understand fully what emotions were and how they affect us was accomplished. Everyone was there to learn how to know when they are being manipulated and putting a stop to the episode allowed me to continue without interruption to complete the course.
At all times, we must be honest with our evaluation of a problem. When honesty is the answer to decision-making the benefits are twofold. The person trying to manipulate another eventually recognizes some people become bored with repetitive stories and some people are no longer able to be manipulated. After a number of thwarted occasions the truth appears. The storyteller is forced to deal with the real emotional problem at hand. As well, putting a stop to manipulative conversations allows for a more constructive communication to take place between both parties and all negative emotional barriers are knocked down. When the barriers are knocked down each individual feels equal to the other.
The participants who defended or protected the storyteller, received an explanation of the experience of what occurred and the acknowledgement by the storyteller that she had always interacted with others in such a manner to gain attention. The students realized they had been subject to manipulative experiences numbers of times before, particularly in relationships, and therefore they were able to understand that standing on their own two feet was a way to protect themselves from further manipulation. The students gained great insight from the manipulated experience and subsequently gained their emotional independence.
But what about subliminal negative interactions? How does one first recognize subliminal negative manipulations are taking place and how can these manipulations be stopped from affecting our life?
First of all we all need to understand how each and everyone of the twenty-one emotions feel like? Feeling all the twenty-one emotions is not as difficult as it may seem. We all have had experiences in our lifetimes to date, some positive and some negative. Researching our past is imperative so we can correct the present and future interactions with others.
One good simple exercise is to look back at all your past experiences and try to recapture the feelings which were felt before and during the eventful experience and, above all, your feelings after the experience took place. The easiest situations to look back on are the emotions experienced during a relationship. The relationship could either be of a friendly nature or a serious involvement. Honestly and without bias you must evaluate the circumstances first and then try to remember which emotions were predominant during the relationship period. The more one looks back on past experiences the more recognition he will have of the feelings of all the emotions. Remembering after one has done something once there is no reason why he cannot do it twice.
After you have evaluated both your problematic and hopeful situations and have actually regained the feelings of those historical emotions, the next stage would be to try to match a particular emotion with one which you may be experiencing at the present time. It is suggested that you evaluate the feelings you are undergoing at the present time. Those same feelings which you have recaptured will always relate to the same circumstances. Once you have found an emotional historical match, the next step is to think of the methods of rectification or the positive emotions which were used in the past to correct the problem and solely by thinking of the rectification you will be able to actually feel the emotions and block any further contamination. |
Please mail all comments to: Earl Gordon Curley