wrote:
rk: Del, reread your 530-line "goodbye" post. It is a treatise on self-pity
and hate, as it accurately reflects upon the quality of life as expressed
by one who bears the name Del Mulroy.
rk: Even in such a diminished physical state your momentum comes through
loud and clear. When you will have breathed your last breath, whose name
shall be on your lips as the designated scapegoat for the present quality
of your life?
rk: Del, you fail to understand the spiritual nature of the "Last Judgment"
which occurs when one comes face to face with oneself with the unmistakable
insight of one's impending death. It is then, when one's energy is low
and not easily dissipated via sundry escapisms of blame and rationalizations,
that each precious moment of life expresses itself to its host, exposing
one to their own specific filter of a life-long, habitual, conditioned
consciousness.
rk: To see whether you have learned well the lessons this lifetime has
provided, you must pay close attention to the focused energy of your words
in this post, which lay blame onto others for your self-perceived lacks.
rk: Then look to the source of the unholistic (unholy) energy which
arises from the specific outpouring of disingenuous support and glib sentiment
emanating from hypocitical well wishers. There, the story of a BASSACKWARDS
life is told.
rk: After rereading this post and digesting its energy, the NEXT moment
of Truth is the "Last Judgment" which is yours to do with as you will.
Ray Karczewski
*******************************************************
"Truth is the most powerful thing in existence. Whatever resistance
that may be brought to bear against it, one finds that Truth can never
be destroyed or diminished in the least.Truth requires no effort to exist--IT
IS."
Excerpt from "Journey Beyond Thought" Check out Our Website:
Raymond Karczewski Click here
for RK web site.
Copy of Del Robert Mulroy's post, contained in the RK post, to follow:
>Alt.Paranormal: >Alt.Astrology:
dm: >June 02, 1999
dm: >I came here in December 1994 looking for answeres
on who I was. I had just posted an article in regards to a dream of an
airliner crash that I seen that killed 15. That dream proved extremely
accurate. Enough so that I caught the NTSB in a lie about the crash site
investigation and the alleged cause of the accident. This has lead to travel
all over the country, national television appearances, etc. I found a lot
of good dialogue and ideas from you people in these forums, and others.
dm: >My work in the paranormal field has been pioneering,
and incredible. I have had so much fun in search of the truth to what is
not seen, or heard.
dm: >Recently, everything has fallen apart. I am here
to explain the best that I can what has happened to me medically, and what
has happened to me on usenet. Both are claiming their victory on my tonight,
and it is with my sincerest regrets that I announce my leaving of alt.paranormal,
and all related paranormal news groups all together.
dm: >Recently, my medical condition has worsened. Doctors
last summer speculated that I might not have my legs (amputation) within
3 years unless they could diagnose my medical problem and cure it before
then. Thousands of blood tests, and other medical care of the last 8 years
including 3 years at a Level I Trauma Center in the midwest has left them
all stunned and without answers. I am hoping that the Mayo Clinic will
see me this year. If they were good enough for King Hussaine of Jordan,
then they are good enough for me. :)
dm: >I collapsed at a local mall a few weeks ago with
a blood sugar of 1251. That is twice the lethal amount of sugar in the
blood. Normal levels are 70-100. I lost all my eye site for 30 minutes
and thought at the very least I was blind for life, at the worst; I was
going to die that night.
dm: >Doctors tell me that eye damage has been done. Although
I retain my 20/10 vision which is outstanding, the muscle lining of the
eyes was damaged and I could go blind at any time. Also, the blood sugar
level is so out of control that I am not able to be stabalized. For those
who know of this condition of diabetes, they were using 16 units of insulin
per hour for 3 days and could not get me stabalized. I pulled my own IV
and left the hospital. The insulin raised my temperature to 106 degrees
for 2 days, then dropped to 92. My body doesn't like synthetic insulin.
At the mall they speculate I entered into a diabetic coma and snapped right
out of it for some reason. They said people with that high level of sugar
in the blood usually just die.
dm: >With all this happening in regards to my medical
conditions, plus the condition that is causing the diabetes which is my
undiagnosed leg swelling which causes the high blood sugars (when the legs
are not swelling, my blood sugars are normal at 70-150) has lead to a tremendous
strain on me personally and financially. It has cost me dearly. The legs
swelling so fast for no reason that the skin splits open allowing the legs
to bleed, then become infected to the bone in days. This has doctors wondering
if I will lose the legs sooner then they anticipated. They speculate that
the effects the legs have caused on my sugar levels could kill me any time
now which makes the legs a small concern.
dm: >All that medical information aside, I can live with
lots of pain in the legs and wondering if today is the last. That I can
live with. What I can't live with, and I am talking about suicide here
is what is being done to me in the news group alt.paranormal. I struggled
so hard with suicide and it's gripping choke hold that it had on me for
so long. I think it is painful enough, but I want to talk about it, and
fill you all in on some background on what made me suicidal then, and now.
dm: >In the late 1980's, one of my family members was
an officer of law in South Dakota. Another officers kid in that town was
arrested by my family member on several felonies. My family member dropped
all charges because this kid wanted to be a cop. The only charge that wasn't
dropped was DUI. This kid went on to become a cop and by no small coincidence
he moved to my new town that I moved too. Being a police officer with a
gun and badge in a town of 10,000 people where all the cops and judges
know each other, I became a target and didn't even know it.
dm: >I was brought up on charges on a crime I didn't do.
I was rail roaded through court with no physical evidense, no witnesses.
Only the cop's testimony against mine. The cop admitted he lied under oath,
but they continued to prosecute anyway. I was sentenced to 90 days in jail.
I served 54 before I died.
dm: >Once in their custody I was helpless. I was taken
to isolation cells and beaten savagely. They laughed at me as they attacked
me, screaming wildy about their revenge. In one beating behind the jail,
I had both legs broken with their steel tipped boots. I was drug back into
the facility and thrown into an isolation cell for two weeks. During that
time, my legs bleed profusely all over the cell. Their cameras above clearly
showed my need for medical attention. I wouldn't walk normal from that
day forward. I wouldn't be able to run from that day forward.
dm: >For two weeks they let the broken legs lay untreated,
and the legs began to rot. The flesh was rotted away to the bone on both
shins leaving from the knee to the ankle exposed to air. The pain was absolutely
incredible and I didn't sleep for a week. My legs swelled so bad that I
couldn't wear pants and I layed on the floor of the cell with the legs
elevated on the bunk trying to reduce the swelling, the legs only got worse.
dm: >I heard a friend of mine being brought into the facility.
He was stripped naked in his cell and then attacked with a large fire hose.
They hosed him in the cold air conditioned cell for more then 20 minutes
with the high pressure hose causing bruises on his body and knocked the
wind out of him. After the water attack, I heard him coughing up water,
choking, and him screaming he wanted to die. I couldn't see him around
the corner and I was concerned about him. They left him in that cold AC
cell with no clothes and I could hear him shivering badly. He kept screaming
about the pain. My initial fear was what if he had a cracked or broken
rib, they could do like they did to me and not seek treatment for weeks.
dm: >Later that night as I tried to sleep with the incredible
pain of my legs, I heard him scream "I hate you bastards" as he committed
suicide. At first it didn't hit me what had just happened. I heard a loud
"bang" against the wall. Seconds later, blood, and a lot of it was running
past my cell and into a drain. Then, when I seen the blood I knew I had
just lost my best friend. I was eventually thrown into his cell a day later
which haunted me greatly. On a table he had carved an encryption from Metallica,
"Nothing Else Matters".
dm: >I was denied a request to attend his funeral. I felt
so bad that I couldn't be there for his family because we were so close
as friends. I couldn't be there for my friend when he needed me the most.
I started to take his suicide as being partially my fault and I began to
hate myself. His younger brother who I helped with by giving rides to his
school so he wouldn't have to walk in blow zero weather, and helping him
with his homework, etc., was absolutely torn and devistated.
dm: >Three days after my friends funeral, they lost there
2 year old to SIDS. Again, I was denied a pass to attend this funeral,
and again I couldn't be there for the family. It was at that point I wished
that I could just die. This family needed someone to stand with them and
I couldn't be there despite how much I was there to help this less fortunate
family in their most time of need in previous times.
dm: >I was beaten again and kicked in the legs that were
already rotted to the bone with infections. I don't remember the next day
as I lost conciousness from the pain of the legs. I woke to blood all over
the cell from my legs. It was at that moment that I decided I was also
going to die to be with my friend.
dm: >I was taken to a doctor, two weeks after the initial
beating. Doctors immediately stated that they wanted to amputate my legs
at age 22. I said no, and they said I was going to die. They issued me
4 heavy anti-biotics. The doctors told the staff that I needed as much
milk as I could drink with those to prevent ulcerating my stomach. The
facility chose to serve me coffee instead which I don't drink. Day two
I was throwing up blood. I immediately stopped taking the medication and
also stopped eating and drinking.
dm: >13 days later I stood up and saw myself in a mirror.
I couldn't believe that was me. Blood leaking from both temples from the
brain swelling of not having any water, my mouth tasted like iron (blood)
and had a thick elmers glue like paste in it. My ears were leaking blood
and had dried blood inside which didn't allow me to hear so well, and both
eyes were blood shot red. Every single bone in my body hurt and I thought
"I'm dying". My kidneys had quit working 3 days earlier.
dm: >I turned around and there was a person taking a head
count. When she seen me, she screamed and ran. That scream was like a land
mine going off in my head and I collapsed in pain thinking my head was
going to explode. My medical conditions now were so severe, first most
the suicide attempt, then the legs, that I was immediately released from
custody by the judge, and flown to a Level I Trauma Center in Minneapolis
where doctors worked very hard to save my life. Despite their best efforts,
I died for 4 minutes on their table. The doctors said to me when I opened
my eyes again, "wish I could take credit for saving your life, but you
came back on your own. Shock paddles would have exploded your heart, CPR
would have broken your ribs causing internal bleeding, there was nothing
I could do for you. You came back on your own".
dm: >Following my death of 4 minutes, I didn't want to
die anymore. I seen a larger picture. I seen the most incredible things
in the world in that 4 minutes that changed my life forever. I seen my
friend who had died. I seen so much, and experienced so much that it profoundly
affected the type of person that I was.
dm: >Against all medical odds and speculation, I made
a full recovery including my legs and I walked out of the hospital thinking
that I had a portion of my life back. Actually, it was the beginning of
the 8 year end.
dm: >In the last 8 years, my legs have been threatened
to be amputated on at least 4 to 5 other occasions which I have refused
all. This has lead to them getting so bad that they are now threatening
my life. The legs have a condition that causes them to swell from time
to time for no appearant reason. When they swell, they swell so fast that
the skin splits open and the legs bleed. They immediately become infected,
my blood sugars tripple or higher, and the infection sets to the bone exposing
the leg bones again. The pain is incredible.
dm: >They have never diagnosed the legs in 8 years. I
am now diabetic because of this medical condition of the legs. The two
problems have compounded with high fevers of 106 degrees for days at a
time now. I collapsed at the mall a few weeks ago and lost all my eye site
for 30 minutes. It is speculated that a lung infection and leg infection
raised the blood sugar levels to about 400-500. I hadn't ate all day and
decided to eat. Blood sugar levels may have hit as high as1251 when I collapsed
in a diabetic coma. Doctors don't know why I woke up so fast. Most people
don't wake from that. 1251 is more then twice the lethal limit of blood
sugars to a person. It is 10 times higher then normal.
dm: >My legs are not swelling, and my blood sugars are
stabalized for now, until the legs swell again. I am told that I could
die at any time from this condition. If I allow amputation of the legs
I will die from the diabetes, if I keep the legs, I am destined to die
from the blood sugar issue. If they could cure the legs I wouldn't be diabetic.
dm >This medical condition has cost me more then $30,000
in my own expenses in medical costs, and several jobs.
dm: >I have lost 140 pounds to try and help slow this
medical issue and it isn't working on slowing it, it is now racing through
out my body.
dm: >I have lost 16 more friends from suicide in less
then 4 years in my home town. My home town is now the #1 leading city in
the nation per capita for teenage suicide and has had print in the New
York Times for it. That's a lot of funerals. The kids of my home town don't
feel it is worth living in a town that doesn't appreciate them for who
they are, kids. They are often seen as the evil of society in this small
town that doesn't except change.
dm: >Despite all my fighting to be just a normal person
without pain, all the hardships that I have been through, with all the
nightmares that I have fought nightly about my friends suicide, his beating,
my beatings, and what my legs have looked like over the years, it is now
time for me to give it all up. Not just fighting to live anymore, but my
fight to be a regular to usenet.
dm: >Recently, Bruce Daniel Kettler has leveled a new
battle of hate against me, and it was so bad that it was taking me back
down the road of suicide again. I don't want to die by my own hands. I
have some friends and family left. That's a reason to live. I was shocked
for a while that BDK would stoop to this level of attacking me on the worst
issue of my life bringing those memories of hell including watching my
friends blood run past my cell. Bringing all them memories back has been
too much.
dm: >He knows what he's doing. He is going to do what
ever it takes to get me off the internet so he can have his final say.
He doesn't care how bad he hurts me. Here recently he is saying that he
is doing this all out of love for me, and with no hatred involved, just
trying to help me. He is one sick bastard. What moron pushes a person on
a subject they know is so painful and traumatic in their past that it could
lead them back to suicide again? He is enjoying his spot light and admits
that he doesn't care what he does. Let's look at what he is doing as I
certainly wouldn't want to level the accusations and not offer the proof.
These are quotes from him from his article posted to usenet on Monday night...
bdk: >> I offered you to opportunity to cease writing
about me, or discussing this further, just yesterday. I would, then, cease
posting about you as long as you ceased personal attacks on myself and
others. In my opinion, since then, you are continuing, and subconsciously
begging for some very embarrasing help. The truth hurts, Mulroy, and with
that hurt may come healing.
dm: >He is referring to this incident in 1992 that I have
described above. He wants to bring it out into the open in usenet for his
"exposure". This is his black mail to make me leave, and you know what?
It worked. Him bringing this all up again has had me thinking about how
easy it is to run from this and simply join my 17 friends.
bdk: >> Now, the principal problem, evidently, is this
"hatred" for some "bastards" you wrote of, who beat you so that you are,
as you term, going to die. To get to the source, the hatred, tell us what
the charges were.
dm: >Self explanitory. He knows that this subject is my
nightmare of hell and I have described to BDK in clear terms what happened
to me, and what I went through. He is using this information to win his
war and push me to the edge of suicide knowing that I will drop from usenet
rather then kill myself. There is no healing from what I experienced, there
is no healing from the pain that I felt then, and now. There is no healing
from the hell my friend went through, or the 16 that followed. There is
no healing that can ever fix that pain that I felt and experienced. According
to Dr. Dan Kettler, this is just the opposite. He is one sick fuck.
bdk: >> Therapy, for you, seems to come with public exposure.
You want all to know, and you have told us many details of your life, your
inferiority complex, (not admitting it as such) a need for friends, suicide
attempts, etc.
dm: >He clearly writes that he knows how bad this subject
is for me to even write about, little lone remember. No I don't have many
friends in Sioux Falls, I am new to town. All of my friends in my home
town are dead or moved to Arizona. My health is very bad and we just don't
know if I am going to live much longer. My sister moved here to be closer
to me. She is all that I have. My mother passed in 1997 from nuclear cancer
from being a down winder of the 1950s nuclear testing in the SW United
States. I've lost so much in regards to friends, and now my mother. I don't
have much left in my own life, an Dan has to go to this extreme to push
me to suicides edge again.
bdk: >> You tell us everything else, why not this?
dm: >He can't comprehend the pain that I have been through,
The trauma. The nightmares night after night even 8 years after this all
happened. ...and he continues to push the issue knowing what pain is involved
here, he has a knife and he continues to grind it in my guts for the expressions
of pain on my face.
dm: >I don't ever want anyone to think that what I went
through was the worst experience anyone in this country had. We look at
school shooting which are so traumatic when you see a friend die. I was
there, except it wasn't in school. I was then left 2 weeks without help
injured and bleeding. I know what it is like to see a friend die in front
of you. I can relate then to people like the kids of Columbine High School.
We will see in the future as they chart their paths in life. We will hear
in the future as some of them couldn't fight the inner demons they had
to struggle with from what they saw, and suicide will follow.
bdk: >> Why were you arrested?
dm: >This is all documented above why. I find it interesting
that this bastard who calls himself a counsler is judging me out of one
day in my life I stood in a court room against impossible odds. He is judging
me out of one day in court, of the 10,000 plus days that I have lived and
helped every single person that I could reach. That one day, is all Bruce
needs to try and push me to the worst nightmare I have ever faced. I feel
good inside knowing that I had only one bad day in 10,000, and it was revenge
on something that a family member did as a police officer. I am proud of
this family member. This person is also a hero for me. I have taken so
much pain for what this person did as a cop in helping so many people over
25 years on the force. I would do this all over again if I had too. It's
the price you pay for being the kid of a cop in America.
bdk: >> You were held in custody, as you report, without
medical attention for weeks, so what were the charges?
dm: >I can't believe Bruce is being such a prick. Grinding
the knife in my stomach going for as much pain as he can, while maintaining
that this isn't being done out of hate, or nothing personal.
dm: >Exhibit A:
bdk: >> I do not have hatred towards anyone, and do not
peronally conflict with all who disagree with me.
dm: >Exhibit B:
bdk: >> I do, defend my reputation from inneundo and lies
about what I'd written, and about who I am. Matters of FACT, when lied
about, I defend.
dm: >Pushing someone to the brink of suicide isn't defending
in my book. That is a cold blooded asshole attitude. ...and I couldn't
help but find laughter in this rant of his. When he lies about what he
has written, he defends himself and his reputation. There is a God and
some humor in this world.
bdk: >> This activity does not indicate "hatred" from
me.
dm: >He is a piece of work isn't he?
bkd: >> YOU DID NOT __DISAGREE__, SIMPLY! ARE YOU DELUDED,
MULROY? YOU LIED ABOUT WHAT I'D WRITTEN. YOU WROTE SLANDER! YOU ATTACKED!
YOU DID NOT, _JUST_, DISAGREE. ALSO, ALONG WITH YOUR ACCUSATIONS OF HATE,
YOU DISPLAYED EXTREME MALICE, MAKING ALL SORTS OF THREATS!
Let's call it speculation, and leave it to the reader
to decide if it's valid. This is not about "mental illness" anyway, just
some patterns of behavior. You wrote that you travelled to a place where
there were no "friends" for you. What does this show?
dm: >The sign of a raging mad man. I trust the Chinese
with our nukes before I do Dan. He fears what I have to say.
bdk: >> Helplessness, an inability to determine the reality
of having friends where you live. In my opinion, a feeling of inferiority.
dm: >How small can he make me feel?
bdk: >> Then, you report to the whole world, on USENET,
that you found "friends" on USENET. They are listed on the above referenced
WEB PAGES. It turns out you picked, as your so-called "heroes" habitual
liars, those who denegrate character, on USENET. You also wrote you want
to be like them.
dm: >To each and every single person of alt.paranormal
and alt.astrology, I want you all to know that I appreciated your kind
words of recent, and your compassion to understand what I have been through.
There isn't a night that goes by that I don't think of my friends from
the past and how much I miss them today. I treat each and every single
friend that I have now as if they were my last because I don't know when
they will be taken away from me. I don't treat friends lightly, they are
too hard to find.
dm: >In absense of friends in my new town of Sioux Falls
that I moved too, I did find friends on usenet. You guys. You made me feel
welcome and always were never afraid to speak up and let me in on an observation
or two from you all. I always listened to you and tried to make myself
a better person. Afterall, this last 8 years of hell, I only wanted to
be normal. I only wanted to be friends with people around me. Because of
my scarred legs I can't wear shorts and go swimming anymore, and no one
even comes near me if I wear shorts because of the grossly scarred legs.
I have been rejected because of my legs. I haven't worn a pair of shorts
since 1993. I just want to be normal, and no one in the employer field
can see that, nor can Dan.
dm: >I thank each of you once agian for being my friends.
I don't forget who my friends are and even though I am leaving all paranormal
sites on usenet so Dan can rule as the surpeme queen, I won't stay out
of touch with you people. I have e-mail addresses you know. :)
dm: >I'm sorry that Dan has subjected you people in these
news groups to this 1.5 years of hate on the account that I wouldn't fight
for him any more. As you can see above, he really is taking it out on you
people because I called you people in this forum friends, and heroes to
me. He has unleashed his hate on me because I am easier to fight then you
as a group. Also, I have something that he can use against me, and he knows
it's power. He knows if he pushes the subject hard enough I will snap.
I have snapped and can no longer fight the hatred of a man who wants to
see me dead.
bdk: >> Does it not seem reasonable to believe that you
have low self-esteem, and to compensate for that, you SEEK THE APPROVAL
OF YOUR "HEROES."
dm: >I look up to many people in my life. There are times
that I stood down rather then struggle for the top so that I always had
someone to look up to as a friend. Better to have friends then stand alone
at the top and fight to stay on top with many not happy with your position.
I can't believe it is so hard for Dan to see this hatred of his and what
it has cost him, (all his friends, he is alone) and what it cost me in
terms of the pain and memories that he is bringing back.
bdk: >> The number of pro-paranormal and pro-astrology
advocates posting is extremely few, and that is because these newsgroups
are a mess due to the activities of the BIGOTS, whom you call your "heroes."
dm: >Again, since he can't attack the majority as a group
and win, he is attacking someone he knows he can win against. With my medical
condition worsening daily and it being only a matter of time before I die,
I can't believe he wouldn't just ride the waves since he is obviously going
to outlive me.
bdk: >> See, MULROY, "ALL ATTACK IS A CALL FOR HELP" okay!
Is this what you want? You are calling for help. Therefore, it is my business.
You attacked me, in this post I quote from you. I've offered you the opportunity
to stop, and I will stop replying. You keep on, and you keep, unconsciously,
asking me for help.
dm: >This is Dan's agenda all along. Using this black
mail to hurt me the most to make me stop posting to alt.paranormal. He
bitches about censorship when he is the surpeme advocate for it. All he
wants is me off usenet. He doesn't care if I die tomorrow, he just wants
me off usenet, and he has got his wish as of tonight.
bdk: >> Mulroy:
bdk: >> As for ignoring your writing, I may not have a
choice. I will probably be in the hospital in the next few days again.
bdk: >> Well, print this out, read it in the hospital,
and try to quiet your mind a bit. I really do not aim to hurt you, except
in the way that temporary hurt can bring healing.
dm: >The mouth of a lying asshole. That is speaking from
my heart. I hope he publishes that on his hate filled web site.
dm: >My e-mail address is posted below, remove the XX's
to send me e-mail. I will try to reply to all as I get them depending on
how I feel, but I will respond to them.
dm: >To all here, it has been fun, and I will miss you
all. My world got a little more isolated and lonely today. This is nothing
new. I have been alone and unable to make many friends since 1992 for fear
that I might lose all my friends someday. Through suicide, and now this
event, I am back to being alone again.
dm: Thank you Dan. Now, don't you ever bitch that I said
anything to you ever again. This place is yours asshole.
--
Sincerely,
PSI-WALKER, INC.
Del R. Mulroy
President
------
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